


Remember

by MeowshmallowX



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Everything Changed When The Fire Nation Attacked, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, Memories, References to Depression, This Is Fine, VictUuri, i knew how i was gonna tag this and now i'm blanking, look it might sound bad but i promise it ends happily, that was all i could think as i wrote that awful summary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 20:50:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12802098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeowshmallowX/pseuds/MeowshmallowX
Summary: From a boy to a faerie to a god and then back again.(When was it everything changed?)





	Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I want to write something.  
> My Inner Writer: ...Nah....  
> Me: I want to write something!  
> Inner Writer: No.  
> Me: I WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING!  
> Inner Writer: N O.  
> *screaming*

Victor can’t remember when he stopped skating for himself.

Somewhere along the way, it turned into a game of thrilling the crowds in a blaze of shock and awe. It wrested itself free from his grip and threw itself to the screaming audience.

He used to just be a boy. A boy with a pair of skates and a thirst for flight.

*

It all started so well: a burst of color and the world came alive, eyes fixed on him, and _Victor Nikiforov_ was suddenly more than just his name. He hit the ice gliding, dancing, soaring, and the spotlight caught the blur of silver-blue and made it glow, made it shine. Made him a faerie rather than a boy.

The colors burned bright within, and with every standing ovation, with every gold medal, with every perfect score, they burned brighter. Fiercer. He was vibrant and so beautifully alive, ever-changing, ever-growing. He was more than gold—he was platinum. Diamond. The stars themselves.

And so a faerie outgrew its old skin and molted, left it discarded on the floor in the form of silvery locks. And so a faerie shed its wings and grew into a god.

Untouchable, unbeatable, Victor could finally _fly._

*

What is the adoration of a mortal to the divine? What is the admiration of the crowd to a god? The applause, the spotlight, the praise faded into the background, lost in the music Victor skated to, and the explosion of proud crimson and gold the shining eyes of the audience once brought him dulled. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter. Victor still had the ice, and the ice brought the color and the color _made him._

But one day as he kicked off the ice and spun through the air, he wondered where the sparks had gone.

*

_Panic._

There was no color no color. There wasn’t any color. No color no color no color. Where was the color? Why was it fading? Why couldn’t he think think think think _think_? He, he needed this, needed the color, needed to light up with fresh inspiration. _Needed_ to. Perfection was expected—he had to surpass it. A little more perfect every time. A little more color every time. A little more bloody, a little more bruised until it killed him. Until there was nothing left to give.

And so when he crashed to the ice and saw brilliant red, bright bright bright, all he felt was relief. And he lay there. Watched the ruby spread, crawling across the sparkling crystal-white so _fast._ Watched it catch the light and shine. There was the color again. There was the red, coming from inside him. Spilling up and spilling over and spilling out. He wasn’t fading. Wasn’t fading. Couldn’t be fading.

“ _Vitya_! Someone call the ambulance! Stay with me. _Stay with me, Victor_. Hey, you lazy asses, did you hear me?!”

“Yakov,” murmured Victor softly, “look at all the color. Look at all the color.”

“Yes, Victor, you’re _bleeding._ ” Yakov sounded angry. So angry. “How could you be so careless?”

“I’m not fading. I’m not fading. I’m _not._ ”

Drip-drop. Drip-drop.

Something hit the red, disturbed it. A strange not-red. Clear. From his eyes.

Drip.

Drop.

Not fading not fading _not fading._

*

White hospital. White room. White bedsheets. White face.

Pale reflection in the mirror. Pale. Ghostly. Where was the red?

Yakov by his bedside. No one else.

White camera flash. White lips. White pillow. White noise.

Pale. So pale. Fading. Fading.

*

And then _color._ And then so _much_ color. Brilliant, warm gold, shimmering in wide brown eyes, shimmering in a plea to be Yuuri’s coach, Victor!

Fireworks streaming through Victor’s veins—champagne-flavored. Fireworks exploding in Victor’s chest, made of the rawest affection Victor had ever felt, had ever received.

Hot to the touch.

So Victor lit himself on fire.

*

He curled up on the ground in ashes. Ashes. A hollowed-out Victor Nikiforov. Burnt to a crisp and left to blow away in the breeze.

Ashes, when the fire has been gone long enough, are cold. Gray.

Faded.

*

But a stupid, stupid little part of Victor clung to hope, and when he skated to “Stammi Vicino” this time, it was with a real, raw, wide open fear of being left.

A call into the darkness.

A cry into a storm.

*

And then: a new video uploaded. Trending. Making headlines.

And then: eyes wide. A jolt of pain, good and bad. Bitter and sweet.

This was his call back.

*

From pale to pink to brilliant, blazing red, this time just beneath the skin, pulsing strong from a stronger heart. From a boy to a faerie to a god and then back again. From everything to nothing and back to everything again, but a new kind of everything: a shared kind. A beautiful kind.

*

Victor can’t remember when he stopped skating for himself.

Somewhere along the way, it became for Yuuri.

**Author's Note:**

> One hour to Thanksgiving, so happy almost-Thanksgiving!
> 
> *
> 
> Today has been a Day™ and I feel, if this makes any sense, like a raisin. If I had to describe my emotions in a word right now, it would be "raisin". BUT! I wanted to write something, so...this happened. It was supposed to be fluffy. Whoops. Sorry? (And Jen, if you're somehow seeing this, THANK YOU SO MUCH. I don't mind if you end up not reading any more of my work, but I really appreciate that you've gone through what I already had!)
> 
> If you liked this at all, I'd be overjoyed if you'd leave kudos or maybe...even...a comment? Or maybe I'm being ridiculous. This also lives [on Tumblr](https://victuuri-ous.tumblr.com/post/167854186250/remember), if you'd care to read it there!
> 
> *
> 
> (And I'm about to spew irrelevant details about my life, which is why I put them at the very end!) So, I just started reading _Pride and Prejudice_ and it is KILLING ME. It's excellent and has me either in tears of laughter or clawing my eyes out in frustration. Does anyone know if there's an actual active fandom for it? I don't need fic or anything, but I want someone to scream with.


End file.
